Sunday, June 10, 2007

How can I help you?

Having spent this morning being squirted in and out of an MRI tube, I'm feeling in a lazy-blogging kinda mood.

So. Here's what you're looking for - I hope I can help.

Search: what part of the brussel sprouts do you eat?

Stray says: anything except the stick.

Search: what is the difference between heelys and wheelies?

Stray says: Approximately 2 front teeth.

Search: signs of straying husbands

Stray says: I'm not sure, but if in doubt, have your husband microchipped to ensure his safe return when he does stray.

Search: rules of cornish daily life

Stray says: Minimum 1 pasty per person per day. Surfing 3 times a week. All single-track roads must be travelled at a minimum of 70 mph, unless you are in an extra wide farm vehicle, in which case a maximum of 1 mph should be observed.

Search: nun milk

Stray says: 7 points.

Search: My dog is very depressed because of the loss of her doggie friend, what should I do?

Stray says: Bring her over to play with mine? I could do with a cuddle myself ... your search term made me sob.

Search: murders in bellshill

Stray says: I haven't been there in ages. It wasn't me. Have you asked The Soup Dragons?

Search: mini cooper convertible wobble

Stray says: Consider an additional income through hiring your vehicle out to people who can't afford a vibrating belt massager™ as seen on tv.

Search: care and content label rules for socks

Stray says: Always keep in pairs. The end.

Search: boxer dog injured nose

Stray says: Oh! Kiss it better of course!

Search: Blessings on the occasion of opening of new Catholic Primary School message of congrats

Stray says: Why did you come here? Weren't you just asking about the nun milk?

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Blogger Misssy M said...

Bellshill Murders. If it wasn't the Soup Dragons, it'll defo be Teenage Fanclub.

I got search term: "Busty Swedes" the other week. The only answer I can give is a simple, "Sorry"

10 June, 2007 19:11  
Blogger Stray said...

Oh yes, Misssy M (not to be confused with Ms M) - I'm afraid I have to send anyone looking for "busty" anything over to Cas's blog, as she has one of those magnificent cleavages that men, women, upset children and cuddly boxer dogs are all drawn to magnetically.

Teenage Fanclub. Of course! Shall we ring Taggart? I'm sure it's just about on his patch ...


10 June, 2007 19:30  
Blogger Caroline said...

My cleavage (is that how you spell it?) is sooooooooooo not magnificent ... but what the hell! Send people to me. I have nipple tassels (should send some new hits your way).

Hugs honey.

10 June, 2007 19:37  
Blogger Ms Melancholy said...

Oh darling Stray, I can't quite believe you have blogged Cas's marvellous cleavage (although I am bound to agree with you that it is indeed magnetic.) I think that scan might have left you a bit woozy. Very funny post, by the way. It still bemuses me how these odd searches end up on our blogs. Cas is right though, nipple tassles should keep you going for a wee while.

10 June, 2007 20:29  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You once referred to Tom Clelland's music on your blog. Did you know that his albums were released on a label owned by the Teenage Fanclub's drummer!

11 June, 2007 15:40  
Blogger Böbø said...

And all this while I've been drawn to Caroline's fine mind.

Nipple Tassels! swooooooon

11 June, 2007 15:59  
Anonymous Natalie said...

You have the best searchers in blogland. And here's a whole trunk-ful of cuddles for you to unpack and then wallow in.

11 June, 2007 22:42  
Anonymous Daisy-Winifred said...

God do you mean I am not only missing the in the flesh launch of ISoA but I'm missing the in the flesh launch of La Cleavage, bum, or any other part of the anatomy.

Ah well will just thrust my dipped but full of presence headlamps into space with the rast of me then.

13 June, 2007 21:53  

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