Sunday, May 13, 2007

The One-handed Blogging Challenge

Lovely Ms M and I were chatting on google talk the other night, and both attempting to have the conversation with only one hand. She was drinking something lovely, whilst I was doing the classic post-op-must-hold-my-insides-in pose.

We started to play a game of trying to construct the most complex viable reply using only the keys available when touch typing with either your right or left hand.

And so ... I present to you: The One-handed Blogging Challenge.

The objective is to write something meaningful with only the right hand or left hand keys of your keyboard.

On the left side we have: QWERTASDFGZXCVB
On the right side we have: YUIOPHJKLNM

Punctuation will vary according to whether you are using a mac or PC keyboard. I will trust you not to cheat.

Only genuine spellings are acceptable - so "hi m8" is not a valid entry.

Proper nouns are subject to sensible discretion - so names of countries and major cities are kosher, but obscure villages in timbuktu are not.

Poems are definitely allowed :)

You get 1 point per character used. Repetition won't get you more points if it's just silly. Left-hand and right-hand will have separate high scores. If people start playing properly then I shall make a badge to give out as a prize and have a leader-board in my side bar :)

If you think this would work as a meme, tag someone!**

So - I challenge you to: Get started*


*Left hand viable

**If you don't, please just look away politely and I'll try not to blush. I'm still a bit painkiller addled and maybe this is only fun if you've not got off your sofa for 3 days.


p.s. I am sorry to my very lovely dyslexic bloggy friends for yet another game that is not very easy if your letters get jumbled up. I promise I will come up with a different game soon that has nothing to do with spelling at all. Please email me and tell me what you would like instead if you have any ideas :)

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Blogger brumcunian said...


A Badger tastes great battered as a starter! A wasted fat bastard rat farted! Water bad! Beer!

13 May, 2007 07:19  
Anonymous lavenderblue said...

Limp Pink Lupin.

( i must stop drinking at this time of day..........)

13 May, 2007 08:14  
Blogger Stray said...

OMG! Brum you are scary!

I shall score your longest:

So, on the LHC: A badger tastes great battered as a starter! = 37 points!

I am blown away!

lavenderblue - so lovely to see you here :) And wow, you really got going on the right hand challenge, which is definitely trickier!

Limp Pink Lupin = 13 points!

Seriously seriously impressed! (Now go drink some water, both of you).


13 May, 2007 11:51  
Blogger brumcunian said...


Look...Pink milk pump on mummy. Honk. Yummy. I link lip. No poo.

13 May, 2007 12:04  
Blogger Stray said...

Brum - you're giving yourself away. Good thing Ms M isn't freudian ;)

Wow - so Look... Pink milk pump on 27 points!

I'm doing the leader board now!

13 May, 2007 12:12  
Blogger brumcunian said...


badge barter berate fasted faster deer fart farts

"As stated at start berate fasted wasted bastard raster deer beer fart gas taste!"

(Watch out for those beer swilling raster deer) :o)

13 May, 2007 12:27  
Blogger brumcunian said...

Oops ignore the random string of words. They were just words that I was trying to fit in somehow

13 May, 2007 12:28  
Blogger brumcunian said...


"A sad bad battered badger stared at tree as wasted fat bears tasted water seated at dam"

13 May, 2007 12:52  
Anonymous lavenderblue said...

You link up phony plummy pink plonk in jumpy july only.

must go and lie down..............

13 May, 2007 12:54  
Anonymous lavenderblue said...

Oh poo link up phony plummy pink plonk in jumpy july you holy oily punk.

13 May, 2007 13:15  
Anonymous lavenderblue said...

Oh pooh link up phony plummy pink plonk in jumpy july you unholy oily limp lumpy punk.

13 May, 2007 13:18  
Anonymous lavenderblue said...

Where has Brummie sloped off to ?
If you are both in the pub I shall spit............

13 May, 2007 13:48  
Blogger brumcunian said...

I'll stick to my preferred left hand side :o) I wasn't at the pub. I'm sorting paperwork out and popping on here every now and then for a break. Only one drawer of the filing cabinet left to sort out. Wooo! Anyway...


erase erased

Fag "Bert badger" sets fastest ass tease ever as dates bear seated at grass!

Apologies for the use of the word fag. But I couldn't type gay on the left hand side of the keyboard.

13 May, 2007 14:06  
Anonymous lavenderblue said...

Nice one,Brummie........
Brain needs a break......catch you later..don't strain that wrist......

13 May, 2007 14:19  
Blogger brumcunian said...


Look on unholy oily punk poo limp nun milk pump pimp.

Hows that for a childish insult ;o)

13 May, 2007 14:22  
Anonymous lavenderblue said...

Bad Brummie !

13 May, 2007 14:36  
Blogger sheepish said...

a poem from a cack-handed blogger!!

was vexed waster
battered defeated
better dead
jump poppy
saw brave verger
fretted screwed
freed bastard
gag poppy
created was saved
ooh poppy

13 May, 2007 14:57  
Blogger Stray said...

wow! I'm stunned :)

Sheepish - I love your poem!

Brum and Lavender - I am putting you in the hall of fame! I can hardly add the points up :)


13 May, 2007 15:04  
Anonymous sheepish said...

I said I was cack-handed, "gag" should not have been inthe 8th line as it's left hand not right. Please read "kill" instead of gag.

13 May, 2007 15:15  
Blogger brumcunian said...

Sheepish... you cheat. Your poem uses both sides of the keyboard :o)

13 May, 2007 15:43  
Anonymous lavenderblue said...

Can't compete with that, sheepish !

13 May, 2007 15:43  
Blogger brumcunian said...


Wards wart crater face case Fred badgered teased berated as DR sits

13 May, 2007 15:48  
Blogger Stray said...

Woo hoo! Hall of Fame Mark1 is up. I'm gonna build a snazzier one shortly but wanted to get your creds up asap :)

I'm ultra impressed! Amazed! Lavender you're a genius with your right hand ;)

Sheepish's poem is admissible because the lines individually only use one hand or t'other. That wasn't in the original rules but I have made it a separate category :) Hee!


13 May, 2007 15:56  
Blogger But why? said...

Only you hump my yummy milky kinky lump....

13 May, 2007 16:07  
Blogger Stray said...

we rested a tad sadder
crafted dew
vexed a dear scared badger
braved great rafts
craved red bees wax trees
as cages freed
wafted cares raw
drew stars
we grew

13 May, 2007 16:14  
Anonymous lavenderblue said...

I'll get m'coat..........

13 May, 2007 16:20  
Blogger Badger said...

A barefaced Badger was desexed
a devastated Beaver was erect
scared and sad was Badger
stabbed Beavers erect starved barge beater
as wasted as a dead cat are great dead cats!


13 May, 2007 16:25  
Blogger Stray said...

No no! Lavender you are winnnnnnnning! You are the highest score right-handed :)



13 May, 2007 16:26  
Blogger Stray said...

BADGER! - you are scary!

Oh - I don't know how to score that badger! I think I will make a new category for stories :)

Badger gets ... 338 points! WHAT?


13 May, 2007 16:29  
Blogger Ms Melancholy said...

Oh fantastic!!! I feel most scared now and don't know whether I dare have a go. to try. I may be gone some time. x

13 May, 2007 16:32  
Blogger Stray said...

sorry! badger my counter went mad - it's 156 points. Still a FAB score though :)

13 May, 2007 16:32  
Blogger Ms Melancholy said...

Oh Stray, I have a problem: in touch typing, the B is typed with the right hand not left. Are we moving over to the left for the purposes of this competition? Or will you declare all entries so far null and void and let me win?

13 May, 2007 16:36  
Anonymous lavenderblue said...

I can only type with one finger....

13 May, 2007 16:38  
Blogger Stray said...

ah now Ms M, you are obviously using a very old fashioned steam-powered type writer.

B is definitely a left-hand key this century.

Lavenderblue - then your efforts are all the more impressive!


13 May, 2007 16:42  
Blogger But why? said...

In July, kinky punk monk (John) join unholy nun (Jill) in unholy union hi-jink up lumpy hill in Hull. Jill pull John (milky). Jill mop up. John kip… John up. Him (John) pump Nun (Jill). John kip. John up. Pony on hill. Oh no! Kinky John pump pony…

…Pink mink on hill. Kinky Kinky. No mop. Hill Yukky. John punk monk kill unholy nun Jill. John kill Pony. John kill pink mink. No nun/mink/pony opinion on unholy punk monk John on hill in Hull. In John opinion, John unholy. John kill John.

13 May, 2007 16:48  
Blogger Stray said...

But Why?

Goodness me! Goodness me! How do I score this? Erm. It's impressive! There's no disputing that ...

My mother reads this blog!

Let me just have a cup of tea and a think.

*puts kettle on*


13 May, 2007 16:51  
Blogger Stray said...

Right. Ms Why, you have used 399 characters.

However, there is a large amount of repetition, and some of your conjugations are suspect to say the least. On the other hand you have made excellent use of the brackets.

Thus, I decree that you may have 200 points, and a hobnob biscuit.


13 May, 2007 16:55  
Blogger Ms Melancholy said...

Oh bugger. I have an OCD. I can't use any punctuation, because technically you need 2 hands even for the exclamation mark. And apparently I learnt to touch type in the style of a 1950s Pittmans secretary, because I do the 'b' with my right hand! ( I really did learn from a Pittmans book from the 50s. )Which means that I just can't use it. Even if the rules allow. (I really do have an ocd, don't I?) Stray, I am trying, really I am. But this may take me some time!

13 May, 2007 16:56  
Anonymous lavenderblue said...

Me long have we got ?

13 May, 2007 17:14  
Blogger Stray said...

you can have as long as you like lovely lavenderblue - really ... take your time :)

I am going nowhere until at least lunchtime tomorrow ... :)


13 May, 2007 17:16  
Blogger Caroline said...

Too complicated for me x
I have no idea what is going on. No idea at all.


13 May, 2007 17:33  
Blogger brumcunian said...


Bastard erect Bert badger buggered desexed cats fast as bearded bears battered bat ass faster! Wasted cat wads tasted as dates sat at Berts arse feast! Great taste! Beavers are wasted! Berts rear reddens! Bear\cat\bat\badger wad rests.

13 May, 2007 17:42  
Anonymous lavenderblue said...

You Ok Brummie..........?
I wonder .....what are you drinking then ?
I'll have a bucket or two.

13 May, 2007 17:46  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Punk Kiln Jo
my Ho
Ply limp hip lip
on plump milk
No puny yomp
in pink

D-W, who is as you so rightly said to me, rude...always with a smile though:0)

13 May, 2007 17:47  
Blogger brumcunian said...


Homo John - mop up oily pink nun milk pump mojo on mink - kinky

13 May, 2007 17:51  
Anonymous sheepish said...

After Brum's last effort I am sticking to poetry. What is he on?
He is scary, can you help Ms M with her OCD?

13 May, 2007 17:53  
Blogger brumcunian said...


Bad `ass battering` bastard gets best rated as sad tears tasted!

I rock the left hand side :o)

13 May, 2007 18:02  
Blogger brumcunian said...

haha I'm not scarey. I'm not even drinking. Todays creative filth is sponsored by Richmond Superkings and Coca Cola Zero

13 May, 2007 18:03  
Blogger Stray said...

Cas, sorry - do come up with a suggestion for a non-wordy game and we will play that next :)

Brum, your unfeasibly rude effort has been entered into the story category, currently sitting second with an outstanding 199 points!

Lovely lavenderblue - what ever he is drinking, don't touch it! Would you believe this boy is trusted with caretaking the mentally unwell people of manchester?

D-W - A fabulous poem, one I shall mull over at great length :) I hope you enjoyed the images yourself, and that you and your Ho, Punk Kiln Jo, are spending a pleasant sunday afternoon.

Brum - I shall have to reassure any blog readers called John that 'homo' is a term of endearment amongst us queers. Phew. Thank goodness we're both gay or I'd be worried about political correctness!

Sheepish - I think you will do well in the poetry section - you clearly have an artistic bent. As for Ms M's OCD, I think she should have a glass of wine and see if that loosens her up. :)

Just updating the Hall of Fame with your combined efforts!


13 May, 2007 18:04  
Blogger brumcunian said...


Bad `ass batterer` bastard gets best rated as sad tears tasted!

I rock the left hand side :o) - (when I remember there is no 'i' on the left hand side)

13 May, 2007 18:06  
Anonymous lavenderblue said...

Stray !
I am now mentally unwell, thanks to Brummie.
I thought he was busy doing something with his drawers ?
Come to think of it...........
Must try harder
thank you for your kind words x

13 May, 2007 18:07  
Blogger brumcunian said...


badgers bare tasted fat beaver detracts as erect cat eases!

Just to even it up - a bit of straight filth.

13 May, 2007 18:13  
Anonymous lavenderblue said...

Nice. Very nice.

13 May, 2007 18:18  
Blogger Stray said...

oh no! Don't fret Lavenderblue - Ms M will be back shortly and she will restore your mental health. I hope. Unless you have OCD, in which case she's probably hopeless ;)

Brum - I am glad you're making an effort not to be too heterophobic. Well done sir.


13 May, 2007 18:18  
Anonymous trousers said...

As dear Freda fretted "Safe sex was free as a reward!" Sara teased Freda "We were sad!" Vera farted as we grew aware sex was £4235
Wax was added! Fever decreased! We were safe

13 May, 2007 18:19  
Blogger Stray said...

OMG! Trousers you are a genius!

Your story used 142 characters, and I am awarding you 100 bonus points for the fact that it actually makes sense! 242 points for Trousers! Yay!


13 May, 2007 18:22  
Anonymous trousers said...

I've got another one on the go but its rather suggestive. Shall I post it?

13 May, 2007 18:32  
Blogger Stray said...

oh yes trousers - don't you worry! go ahead :)

13 May, 2007 18:34  
Anonymous trousers said...

(Noon) Oh Jim, you jump in, pump my pink milky lip - I'll hump my hip. Oh, you ok? I'll kill you, you kinky monk: I'm no jumky - you puny punk.

Oh dear.........thoroughly indecent, this one. Sorry.

13 May, 2007 18:43  
Anonymous trousers said...

ooops typo - that was supposed to be "junky" - obviously!

13 May, 2007 18:44  
Blogger Stray said...

A superb effort trousers - at 112 characters, using the much harder right side of the keyboard!

With the 100 bonus points for truly making sense, you're really racking them up :)


I think I shall start a combined total points score as well, and publish that at the end. With a prize. Oh! This is lots of fun :) Thank you Ms M for thinking it up with me, and thank you all for playing with me when I am boringly stuck on the sofa being poorly!

13 May, 2007 18:47  
Blogger Ms Melancholy said...

bloody hell! I am so impresssed. Can i just say, that i haven't come up with anything anywhere near as good, and I am the co-inventor. I am feeling entirely inadequate and may have to retire to sit on the sofa with Stray and do poorly sicky.

13 May, 2007 19:16  
Blogger But why? said...


Great game. Highly addictive. Wonderful excuse to reduce vocabulary, grasp of grammar and level of maturity to that of a three year old. If I ever have an immediate and pressing need to reduce the levels of productivity of people around me, I shall point them to this page.

But xx

(That's Dr Why to you...)

13 May, 2007 19:16  
Anonymous trousers said...

After we saw a few deer we veered far! We saw a bar! Beer ABV 5%! A crate was £15
Dexter was sedate afterwards! We saw a car weave as reverse gears decreased! Rear seat razed a tree! We saved a few beers! We were vexed as we raved at excess!
Get extra beer at a tax free bar at Exeter! A feast!
Car was at a recess!

13 May, 2007 19:25  
Blogger brumcunian said...

I'll attempt a non filthy one for a change...


Fastest batters rewarded as a teased `4` evades Bert! Test bagged! Bert`s face sad! Wet as water sits at grass! Fear! Rage!

13 May, 2007 19:31  
Blogger brumcunian said...


Ok nun - you hop + jump in kinky monk milk. Nun: 'no you jump in you lippy kinky monk'. Oh nun - you pull on my puny limp pinky on lumpy hill in Hull? Nun: 'no pumpy pumpy kinky monk punk'. Oh ok I'll hump Jim.

Apologies for the theft of various bits of other peoples attempts. Call it the 'Tarantino entry'... pinching bits of others work and passing it off as a new masterpiece.

13 May, 2007 19:49  
Anonymous trousers said...

A redraft was faxed
3 vast tracts
Ever crazed text

Geese were wet
Ferrets feared debt
Bears were taxed

Warsaw was afeared
Essex was scared
Crewe was stressed

A cast was wedded
Greta was bedded
Tessa was bearded

As we waved
We were arrested
Ever detested

I never did get the hang of poetry.

13 May, 2007 20:13  
Blogger Stray said...

trousers - you are officially a contender for the 2012 olymics in one-handed blogging! 248 points! Even before your 100 point bonus for making sense - giving you 348 points! WOW! You are unstoppable sir, unstoppable. Do you have a day job? Give it up immediately. And for gods sake boy, get a blog! You can use one hand each day for posting.

Brum - Loving the tarantino remix piece. A very respectable 164 points!

And well done for managing to write anything that's not profane at all. Did it exhaust you?


13 May, 2007 20:15  
Blogger Stray said...

omg trousers - you snuck your wonderful poem in. I am moved to tears! You're a bit of a clever pair aren't you? 208 points for a fabulous poem :)


13 May, 2007 20:17  
Anonymous trousers said...

Oh, I'd love not to be going to the day job tomorrow...

It really does feel weird now typing on a full keyboard (reminds me in an odd way of only being able to chew on one side after having a tooth out, if you get my drift).

And thanks for having me on your blog :)

13 May, 2007 20:20  
Blogger Stray said...

trousers - it has been an absolute pleasure, not to mention an eduction, to have you :)

Please do come again!

And yes, typing with 2 hands now feels like cheating doesn't it?


13 May, 2007 20:43  
Blogger brumcunian said...

More lefty non porn... (apologies for the string of letters at the start of each of my posts. My tired Brumcunian brain needs it as a reference to remember what letters I can use...


Fat geese at Warsaw water
Geese were wet

Freds cat sat at grass
Geese at water as starter
Grass grazed

A bear sat at tree
as bearded Fred bags garbage waste
Beer tastes fab as bear eats Freds cat

Bert eats bears wasted cat fat

13 May, 2007 20:50  
Blogger Stray said...

Impressive poem Brum! 188 points and nothing obscene!

I seriously thought we'd be scraping around 20s and 30s with this ... I can't believe how creative you all are :)


13 May, 2007 21:42  
Blogger brumcunian said...



Bert tastes raw bear fat
Grace eats Geese tw*ts
Fred rates ferrets ass

Badger eats cats
Cats eat ferrets
ferrets eat bats
bats eat rats

Starter at 1235!

13 May, 2007 21:55  
Blogger brumcunian said...


Battered badger!
Fasted Ferret!
Greased Geese!
Bastard bats!
Raster rats!
fart bastards fart!

13 May, 2007 22:01  
Anonymous trousers said...

I was going to do some more but I'm sure I'd just end up having weird dreams.

13 May, 2007 22:14  
Blogger Drak said...

Makes no sense, but sounds that it should - the perfect blog entry?

"Pop my pilum upon yon plinky monk kop? No, my kin.
You lop my pink muon mop, kill my holly phylum - pin my yolk in my joky mink kiln.
Lo, look! Lily-lip koi link you on my pony mill, you ply my poll in poly-hymn joy.
Polly, my poppy poppin' pink punk, pull my junk hull on yon pinky hill.
Hop, pop, honk, yip, pip, oh join my punk moll in hunky junky pull!
Him, you, my milk-kin. Join in joy."

13 May, 2007 22:15  
Blogger Stray said...

Oh trousers - I am thinking we'll all be dreaming about "lumpy milk" anyway!

Brum - there is no hope for you. You will never be able to type with 2 hands again :)

Good work though sir! Very skilled.


13 May, 2007 22:17  
Blogger Stray said...

Drak - trust you to debut with 313 characters!

No bonus, because as you point out, it is utter gibberish and lacks the carefully crafted meta-narrative of trousers' entry.

Stunning work though.


13 May, 2007 22:57  
Blogger PurpleSparkleBright said...

Who is trousers? wanna blog-read. Can I score the lowest points ever please? Left hand:


Thats it. I am blinded with everyone's talent and have to go for laughs now. Oh Mysterious Trousers! Show thyself..... in a bloggy way of course.

13 May, 2007 23:11  
Blogger Stray said...

oh psb - I am afraid that lovely trousers doesn't have a blog. I know, I know, really I do - it's unfathomable. Such a waste.

Some of us live in hope of the fact that maybe trousers has a secret blog that he is simply waiting to reveal.


13 May, 2007 23:16  
Blogger Drak said...

Eat teas as we dare brave a gaze at deaf bat caves?
Ward ears! Sadder eras wasted dates as fate gazed at gazetteer's feet.
Teabag dregs as waste-water begat a sad taster's tears.
See? We are as a crazed starved feaster, fat as bags, a bad greased dastard.
Grades are faded, grazers are fazed. We eat bread, create great feed, cast gazes at stars.
Stare as brazed seats bear sated beasts as water's waves bear trade barges. We crave beer, see cava as a bad gas. Badges grate at taxed breasts, tears start, dread frets. We are at sea, wet as afeared babes' beds.
An eastern trade breeze staggers waders beards westward.
We state: "Tada! We are saved! Braved staves, beat casters at 'abracadabra's, ate as fast as Dad."

Or "What I did on my holidays".
This one makes sense of a sort - I think - but it is late and I don't know any more..

13 May, 2007 23:57  
Blogger brumcunian said...

A bad sad bastard battered badger stared at tree as wasted fat bears tasted water seated at dam

I beat my best score :)

13 May, 2007 23:59  
Blogger Stray said...

Drak - you terrify me. Seriously.

588 Points + 100 bonus points for the fact that it does indeed tell a story.

Love your title. Omg. What have I done?

Do you think I should start a game show? On tv?


14 May, 2007 00:01  
Blogger brumcunian said...


A bad devastated barefaced scared sad desexed bastard battered badger stared at erect tree as wasted fat berarded raster bears tasted water seated at dam


My work here is done

14 May, 2007 00:06  
Blogger Stray said...

Brum - including your correction, you scored a stunning 128 points for a single sentence. Woah.


14 May, 2007 00:11  
Blogger Clare said...

Fags were rated as fat!
Far¬fated stars waved after great bears as bats saw saxes faze
¬ started at base sex
¬ were wet
¬ awed
¬ degraded.

28 May, 2007 00:29  
Blogger Clare said...

Was trade a waste
after water rats ate bats
as tastes abated afar
as bears waved great fazed faxes
as fat cats waded at sea
as we were wasted

28 May, 2007 00:51  
Blogger Stray said...


I love that Clare. Very good!

I shall add up your points in the morning and add you to the leader board.

Beware (left hand viable) - this game is addictive. I can't be held responsible for what time you go to bed if you don't stop soon ...



28 May, 2007 00:53  
Blogger Clare said...

I'll link,
You'll pop in,
Plink my plonk...

28 May, 2007 00:54  
Blogger Clare said...

(the first one were left, the next one was right)

(they were all supposed to be poems)

28 May, 2007 00:55  
Blogger Clare said...

You're right, it is.

I was on my way to bed but then I had to come all the way back as I ust had a thought... I don't know whether my definition of left and right letters conform to yours. I have an ergonomic keyboard, you see, with a great schism between letters for the left hand and letters for the right - so I'm just assuming you are using the same division. But here it is, for the record.



The right is crap for letters, but much better for punctuation.

28 May, 2007 01:17  
Blogger Clare said...


28 May, 2007 01:18  
Blogger Clare said...

Oops, that full stop was a cheat. Right, really am going to bed.

28 May, 2007 01:18  
Blogger Clare said...

A farter gets greatest garters as a ravaged bastard dad!

28 May, 2007 01:21  
Blogger Clare said...

oh dear.

28 May, 2007 01:21  
Blogger Clare said...

The wet feet beat retreat one was originally written as a sentence, but the lack of commas was hampering me.

Think of a sentence if you like (cos then it would score 132, I think, and beat Brum...). ;o)

Later on when I get a chance, I'm going to have a go at a story, I think!

28 May, 2007 09:27  
Anonymous Kitchen Witch said...

Bears tread straw
Rate creates awe
Straw crafted free
Bear stares at a tree

Hoop you plonk;
Join, you honk.
Link in ploy
No hoi-polloi.

And for extra brain-melt: a haiku:

A treat frees readers
Great reads create tears at start
Dread starts are feeders

Mink join up - ho. Pink link, yup.

(I think I should stop now.)

08 June, 2007 11:06  
Anonymous Hydrocodone said...

I5HIwS The best blog you have!

02 November, 2007 08:14  

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