Wednesday, April 11, 2007

To absent friends ...


Jess, on the left, is Ruby's best friend. Which is only fitting, as Jess's dad is my best friend, and his mother is my mother's best friend ...

And so we are continuing the years of holidaying together as a unit, but this generation abandoning spanish villas and hotels in Lanzarote for dog-friendly caravans in bits of the UK with Big Hills. Fab.

When we first got home on Monday night, Ruby was excited to be back. Now she is depressed. She is searching and searching for her friend, going into my housemates' rooms at six this morning and crying pathetically ... and she is sad not to find her.

I wish I could explain. I wish she could understand the concepts of 'again' and 'soon'.

I went to the lakes to attend the wedding of some very dear friends. Lovely lovely people, and I would have married either of them - they are gorgeous inside and out. The sun shone and their little boys looked like a tiny mafia in their supercool suits. And it was perfect in so many ways, but glaringly imperfect in another. Another friend who should have been there, laughing in the sunshine, holding his wife's hand and smiling, because he never stopped smiling, is gone. He died suddenly just over 2 years ago, without warning, of a heart defect. He was skiing one moment, dying the next. She was there with him when he died, and as awful, as horrific and traumatic as that was, she says she knows she would never have believed it if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes.

So, there were happy tears, for those we love who are still with us, and sad tears for those who aren't. Not physically anyway. Very present in many other ways, spoken about (thankfully) and laughed about and remembered, and very much still loved.

I am doing my italian widow look she said with a smile, replacing her shades.

I know he would have enjoyed the joke.

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8 Comments:

Blogger Badger said...

You made me cry. For Roo who misses her friend and for you who misses yours. I expect Jess is missing Roo as well. Maybe they could write. Damn, no thumbs.

11 April, 2007 10:26  
Blogger brumcunian said...

They could be paw pals. Or here's a very 21st century solution... msn web cam dog chat. I know dogs can't see 2d but they can hear. Get Ruby and Jess on dog cam and get them to bark to each other and be amused at the look of doggy confusion on their faces as they scout round their respective homes looking for each other. Sorry about the loss of your friend. Glad you had a good weekend.

11 April, 2007 11:41  
Blogger Caroline said...

webcam! That is the answer - join Ruby with her friend again.
And a doggie wedding ... can I be bridesmaid????

*serious voice*
This post made me cry.
x

11 April, 2007 19:45  
Blogger Stray said...

Badger - Aw, don't cry, we will find a way for them to communicate.

Brum - A genius idea! Won't she then just be confused as well as depressed? Still, fun for us humans!

Caroline - Yey! It would be a doggy civil partnership, them both being girl doggies and all that. You can be a bridesmaid indeed :) Bring sausages.

Yes, it made me cry too.

11 April, 2007 20:13  
Anonymous Dasiy-Winifred said...

This made me take deep breaths and know again it is left to hearts to understand, minds to ponder but lives to live and remember. Friend, such a small, misused word but in a heart that hears a mind that accepts and a life that continues living in spite-because-as echo of life shared the expression can only be love:0)

11 April, 2007 21:18  
Blogger Clare said...

Sweet photo and touching post. We just took care of our dog Moose's best friend Leo for the last 5 days, and he just went home last night -- both dogs are acting very sad too. It is heartbreaking to see them like that. You're right about wishing they could understand about "again" and "soon." It's hard enough for human hearts to deal with those words/concepts sometimes, let alone for dogs. And I'm sorry about the death of your friend, and his wife's loss too. It seems like some of our richest moments in life are those that combine the happy and sad tears.

12 April, 2007 08:31  
Blogger Ms Melancholy said...

Aw, Stray - you are a lovely, lovely friend. A beautiful post. *wipes away tiny tear*

xxx

12 April, 2007 10:34  
Blogger Stray said...

DW - the beatles had it right eh?

Clare - Oh! Bless Moose and Leo. Ruby sends her love. She is a little less sad today, but definitely still fed up.

Ms M - Thanks. Do I get extra points for making a therapist cry? :)

12 April, 2007 21:48  

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