Lost for words

On Friday the 4th of May, I wrote a post about how I was so nervous of writing an entry for Maht of The Moon Topple's Great Big Awesome (short) Fiction Contest.

To be specific, I said:

I am a coward. I want to write something but ... but ... but. Yes. Paralysed by that internal chatter that informs me that it will be shit / boring / rubbish / cliched / nonsensical. Or, more likely shit, boring, rubbish, cliched nonsense.

So. Guess what?

I came first.

yuhuh! I really did! Really!

I can't quite believe it and I'm completely confused by how it happened. But most of all I am totally over-excited and hugely grateful to Maht for organising the festival, to all of you who put energy into encouraging me to take part, and to the other authors who wrote great stories and some of whom voted for me! Woo hoo!

There were some fab stories there. I particularly loved Ms Sign's horticultural chiller, Forget-me-not. I sort of feel like I must have fluked it, because I don't do that fiction-writing stuff. Perhaps that's the key - I've had 20 years to prepare for writing that one short story! I should surely quit now, before that difficult second album experience kicks in?

I actually ummed and ahed about whether to post here, or simply place my badge and be low key, and I thought sod it, I'm really chuffed, and my parents read my blog and they'll be dead chuffed as well, and deserve most of the credit for having put huge effort into encouraging us to read and write voraciously as children. And I'd like to thank my primary school teacher Mr Long, who taught me when I was 9, for being in favour of creativity and self-expression over spelling and neat handwriting.

So, er, I feel a bit shy, but you can read my story here. If you like. No pressure :)

What's the (short) story?

Mr Maht of The Moon Topples, artist, writer and keeper of cats (my favourite ever blogger description) is running the fabulous GBA(s)FC: Great Big Awesome (short) Fiction Competition.

Word limit: 500.

Subject: Growth.

You can read the full details here, and there are already two great entries up there!

I am a coward. I want to write something but ... but ... but. Yes. Paralysed by that internal chatter that informs me that it will be shit / boring / rubbish / cliched / nonsensical. Or, more likely shit, boring, rubbish, cliched nonsense.

I am trying to battle the voice. Reasoning with it. It won't be good enough it says. Good enough for what? I wonder. Although there are prizes (amazon vouchers! yay!) I'm not really the competitive type. And given that the stories are submitted semi-anonymously, if it's really crap I don't even have to own it!

Ho hum.

Courage, do not desert me now.

Thin King Bloggers

Ms Melancholy not only tagged me with the 'Thinking Blogger' meme, she nicked all the best puns as well.

Apparently it's the brain child of Ilker Yolgas and we don't just get to pat ourselves on the back (or head, in my case - hazard of being under five feet tall) we get a sticker for our blogs and everything. The full list of rules and regs are here.

So, Ms Melancholy says my blog made her think. Think what? is a question she politely declined to answer. Possibly something about how she should really be getting on with the redecorating, and that it's amazing what mindless devotion a good-looking dog will show to a midget with a packet of bacon.

The thing about this blogging thing (I'm being serious now, please take your seats) is that you all make me think. Both the blogs I read, and the potential unknown reader, interact with my psychic space in ways I would never have imagined. I blog in my head. I comment in my head. I suspect that Ms. M may offer me some sort of treatment for this, but I probably can't afford it. I notice things around me because of what I am reading, and because I want to have things to write about. Tiny weeny interactions in the supermarket become potentially moving / poignant / funny / revealing anecdotes. That I never get round to writing them is at least half the fun.

Some of you make me think "Oh my god I am soooo crap at this writing stuff that I don't know why I bother ... ". Some make me think "If I am ever blessed with the insight of this individual I shall be truly happy / rich / suicidal ... ". There's a fair bit of envy and a hell of a lot of relief that it wasn't my cervix / testicle / cat / mother / child / car / bar mitzvah in the story. Thanks.

So - here are my nominations ...

... Best Screenplay: this too ... a fearless account in words and pictures, with honesty that stirs me every time I read.

... Best Sound-effects: Badger That ... a joyful reminder that being normal is nothing to aspire to.

... Best Script: Blaugustine ... a seriously philosophical artist, who informs me about politics, religion, the human condition and the joy of being just who you are.

... Best Actress Mad Harper ... an extraordinary performance in the face of adversity. (Mad's keyboard no longer has a letter J, and yet she writes 'ust brilliantly).

... Best Supporting Actress Hoarded Ordinaries ... the support bit being that Lorianne's ridiculously wise words pop me back on the kerb at very regular intervals. Wisdom, kindness and a good looking dog - she's got the whole package.

So - they can consider themselves tagged, and I spose I should tell them myself as well. I'm off now to look for my sticker ...

Sx

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The participation rules are simple:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote.